King vs. Queen Bed – Hilarious Take On Which Is Better

 

 No, this is not a chess game, or a revolution in France or a new HBO show.  It is the question we are most often asked regarding mattress size, namely, what is the difference between a king size mattress and a queen size mattress?

The main difference, of course, is size. The king size mattress dimensions are 76 inches wide by approximately 80 inches long – about 16 inches wider than a queen. But sometimes numbers do not necessarily paint a clear picture so we have a few points to illustrate the difference and to help you decide which size mattress is right for you, because as we all know size definitely matters.

For example, if you and your spouse sleep on a king size mattress, you have approximately 38 inches of personal space between you; the most personal space granted by any non-custom mattress.  Now you may ask, is paying more money for 38 inches of empty space really worth it?  If you are asking this, you are obviously a newlywed, so congrats on the wedding.

Soon, however, you will definitely see just what those 38 inches represent.  For example, this space comes in very handy on nights when you and your spouse have once again argued over how much time your mother can spend living with you in the summer, and neither of you wants to sleep on the couch.  38 inches is just enough space to pretend you mate doesn’t exist.  In fact, if you curl into a tight ball you can even stretch that to 39.3 inches.  Believe me, I’ve measured.

Later on in life, you will come to bless, nay, revere, those 38 inches.  That will begin the first night your family plays “Let’s All Sleep in the Big Bed”.

The night will start like any other.  Everyone in your household tucked nice and comfy into their own bed.  Sometime around 1:30 am, just as you have fallen into deep sleep, your toddler, schlepping the 20 stuffed animals she absolutely cannot sleep without, will jump into bed with you because “the nonster in my closet’s gonna eat me an’ rip out my gutses”.  She learned that bit of news from her helpful big brother, who has now, incidentally, also crawled into your bed because his brother/roommate is snoring like a “Tyrannosaurs-Rex with a bad cold”.  Two minutes later said brother, who may or may not snore like an extinct overgrown lizzard, joins the ever-growing crowd on your bed because he thinks it’s a party he wasn’t invited to (middle child syndrome has made him just a teensy insecure).

family bedAt this point, your husband wakes up in a foul mood (in keeping with the T-Rex analogy) and announces he is going to the kitchen to get a drink.  That’s the cue for everyone to realize that they are starving hungry and to put in their food order since dad is going downstairs anyway.  10 minutes later he returns laden with cold pizza, the last slice of the black forest cake y’all had for dessert, a banana, two apples and a half empty carton of milk.  He is closely followed by your three dogs, two cats and one escaped hamster all of whom cannot resist the intoxicating scent of “Eau du Snack-time” and proceed to also crowd into the bed.

After much jostling and shoving, once every creature both human and not, is somewhat settled, you will call for a minute of silent prayer where you will thank the Universe you decided to spend a little more for those extra 38 inches,   And you will all triumphantly shout in unison: Hail to the King!!!!

 

 

 

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